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General OS News

April Fool’s: HP Buys Back webOS, Announces Pre 4-1

By Adam Doud April 1, 2013, 10:41 am

In a surprise announcement today, HP CEO Meg Whitman has revealed that HP has purchased webOS back from LG. “HP is definitely maybe committed to probably doubling down on webOS in the coming weeks this time. Stay tuned.” The deal was consummated last night for $600 million and HP has to fill LG’s soda machine for three years. “It’s like getting it at a discount. 50% off the last time we bought it. It’s a real coup,” Whitman added.]

Nary a cocktail napkin was safe in Sunnyvale as the design team kicked into high gear. HP anticipates their new flagship phone, the Pre 4-1, will be “ready to take the world by storm” by early 2016. “We want to make sure we do this the right way to maximize our advantage over the current smartphone space.” Details are sketchy but the phone will feature the usual slide out keyboard but will be just 15mm thick – a full 1 mm thinner than the Pre3, and feature a state of the art 3.6” WVGA capacitive touchscreen and 628 MB of RAM. Whitman described it as “quite the workhorse”.

Apps won’t be a problem this time around. “With Enyo about to take off like a rocket, our app catalog dominance is all but assured this time,” said Whitman adding that they’d already secured deals with Rovio and White Pages that they will beg see honored and they were almost pretty close to adding monolith Shazam to the catalog soon after the release of the new hardware. “We won’t be sitting back. We anticipate our app count could hit the high 15,000’s before the release of the Pre 4, with the higher 15,000’s soon after.”

Employees of Palm HP LG HP took the news with aplomb. “Just another name on the front of our polos,” remarked one employee, who ripped the LG patch from his shirt and replaced it with an HP logo. “Velcro,” he said, pointing to the loops on the back of the patch. “We have them made up any time we get bought. I have one for Facebook at home. Turns out that was a false alarm. Well, for now, anyway.”

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